How to Small Talk
In this post, we will share 5 tips on how to start a conversation and have a small talk!
So, what's small talk?
Small talk is a light, informal conversation. It’s commonly used when you’re talking to someone you don’t know well at networking and social events. You can leverage it as an instrument to meet new people, make friends and learn new things.
If you're an introvert, enjoy being alone, or are an immigrant who's just moved to North America, you've probably struggled making friends or establishing rapport with people. Awkward silences, short answers, inappropriate questions from desperation... Sounds Familiar?
Anyways, small talk is largely cultural. Some cultures like Eastern or Northern Europe, prefer silence to superficial conversation fillers. In most cultures, however, small talk serves a purpose:
- it's a conversation opener: it enables speakers who do not know each other to establish rapport, and also categorize each other's social position,
- it's meant to reduce awkward silences: many cultures consider silences in a social setting awkward and uncomfortable.
Benefits of small talk
Humans are social creatures. Most of us feel the need to get comfortable with each other before getting into a deep conversation about the meaning of life or building out friendship.
Small talk is a human psychological need - the need for people to maintain a positive face, be liked and feel approved. Avoiding and not mastering small talk means cutting yourself off from lots of meaningful social interactions.
Also, research shows that small talk makes people happier.
Mastering the art of small talk and taking charge of conversations can help us build a relationship with our boss or colleagues, learn something new about something that interests us, meet a new friend who shares the same quirky interest as us, or perhaps, asking a seemingly meaningless question about the weather, can lead to a lifelong romantic partnership!
Here's a list of 5 conversation starter tips for small talk:
Conversation starters tips
1. Go beyond “I am good”
“Hey Anna, how's it going?”
“Hi! it's going great, thanks. I am so happy it's been sunny the last couple of days, I finally got to spend some time outside.”
“Ah! I am so happy about that too! I also took my kids out skating, it was their first time and they loved it!”
“How old are your kids?”
“They're 6 and 8. The oldest one loves hockey…”
See what we did there? We didn't just use weather for this small talk, we also made the generic answer to "how are you?" a little bit more personal, sharing a little more about what we value and how we spend our free time.
This statement opened the door into who I am and subconsciously incited the other person to do the same! Now you have learned that your coworker has kids, and you might learn so much more! You both now know something a little personal about each other!
2. Compliment the other person
“Hey Anastasia, how are you?”
“I'm good, you?”
“I'm fine…”
“Oh, I love your sweater, it looks so comfy and the colour is so bright! Is it hand-made?”
“Thank you! I just got it and I totally love it! No it's not hand-made, I randomly came across it in a clothing store and couldn't not buy it!”
“Ah that's great congrats on such a great purchase, where did you get it?”
“You know Richmond and Spadina intersection? There's a new shop there…”
This is a great way to appeal to the other person's ego. People love talking about themselves, and who doesn't like receiving compliments?
You can compliment someone's clothing item or accessory, or something they did, like a presentation at work, or a joke they made earlier.
If someone compliments you, it's a signal that they want to have a conversation with you! it's a good tone to compliment the person back, and if you cannot find anything to compliment the other person on, try to ask something about them like "how is your day going?" or "what are your plans for the weekend?"
3. Leisure/Recreation
“What are your plans for the weekend?”
“Well I was planning to go for a walk but it seems like it's going to rain the whole weekend, so I'll probably stay in and finish the book I've been reading.”
“What are you reading? I've been looking for a good book to dive into.”
“Oh, it's a set of inspiring real-life stories called…”
These questions show interest in the person you are talking to. You're showing that you want to know about their life, and also value their taste and opinion, since you're seeking their advice.
Answers to these questions can also yield useful information - you can either learn something new or discover that the person is a secret collector of Harry Potter legos... just like we are!
4. Personal/ Dream/ Growing up
“Ugh, I'm stuck here…”
“What's up?”
“My nephew has an assignment at school and his mom asked me to help him with it. It's basically about different professions and who you wanna be when you grow up.”
“So you're helping him learn more about your job?”
“Yes, but I don't want to narrow it down to one job only, I want to give him more ideas... Who did you want to become?”
“Haha, that's a great question! I still don't know. But let's see, how old is your nephew?”
It is also a good idea to go an extra mile and ask thought-provoking questions. Such questions don't just ask for a superficial response, but make your interlocutor think.
These questions are generally good for settings where you're meeting the person and are trying to get to know them or learn more about them.
Please note, that these types of questions should ideally come after you've struck up the small talk with more lightweight questions like the weather or your past weekend.
Now that you've got some amazing instruments for sparking up meaningful small talk, we'd love to cover a few important elements that are nonverbal, yet very powerful in creating a positive environment for small talk:
8 Tips For Making Small Talk
Make That Work
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